January 1 Old Year's Day
Lamenting the untimely end of the year gone by.
January 2 National Misused Semicolon Day
Celebrating the abuse; and misuse; of the semicolon.
January 3 National Curdled Milk Day
Celebrating curdled milk, the lumpiest of milks.
January 4 National Throw a Spoon Day
Throw a spoon as hard as you can in a northwesterly direction.
January 5 National Poopsicle Day
Celebrating the frozen dog poop in the yard.
January 6 National Broken Cork Day
Celebrating the bits of broken cork floating in your wine bottle.
January 7 National Don't Day
Don't. Just don't. Come on, you know better.
January 8 National Poke a Tree Day
Find the nearest tree and give it a good, hard poke.
January 9 National Left Big Toenail Day
Celebrating the left big toenail, king of the toenails.
January 10 National Office Supplies Day
Celebrating office supplies, unsung hero of the office.
January 11 National Day of the Cat Butt
Celebrating the cat butt that touched everything in the house.
January 12 National Pork Rind Earring Day
Wear pork rinds like earrings today. The dog will love it.
January 13 National Unplug the Microwave Day
Unplug your microwave and see if that changes things.
January 14 National Wipe Your Car Day
Give your car a wipe-down today. Sandpaper not recommended.
January 15 National Chicken of the Sky Day
Celebrating the rarely-seen chicken of the sky.
January 16 National Torque Converter Day
Celebrating a key component in automatic transmissions.
January 17 National Eyes in the Front of Your Head Day
You can't get away with it, I have eyes in the front of my head.
January 18 National Sing an Ode to Power Outlets Day
It is very important that you sing an ode to your power outlets.
January 19 National Climb the Wall Day
Climb the wall. Rest your head on the ceiling.
January 20 National Don't Order Pizza Day
Do not order pizza today. Show "big pizza" who's boss.
January 21 National Perforated Paper Day
Celebrating toilet paper, paper towels, and old-style printer paper.
January 22 National Chalkboard vs. Whiteboard Day
Celebrating the ongoing battle between chalkboards and whiteboards.
January 23 National Day of the Irritable Bowel
Celebrating irritable bowels, especially those really irritated right now.
January 24 National Wear a Cravat Day
You should wear a stylish cravat today. Not an ascot. A cravat.
January 25 National Fruity Tomato Day
Emphatically tell everybody that tomatoes are fruit.
January 26 National Chair Stacking Day
Stack the chairs as high as possible, then climb to the top.
January 27 National Plastic Tarp Day
Celebrating plastic tarps and other mediocre waterproofing methods.
January 28 National Rubber Mallet Day
Celebrating rubber mallets, slightly less dangerous than sledge hammers.
January 29 National Spay the Hamster Day
Make sure all your hamsters are spayed or neutered.
January 30 National Day of the Frozen Soda
Celebrating the can of soda you left in the freezer.
January 31 National Num-Lock Awareness Day
Raising awareness of num-lock, an underutilized key on the keyboard.


February 1 National Day of the Leash Law
Leash your children as required by local ordinance.
February 2 National Cheesecake Slurry Day
Celebrating cheesecake slurry, the tastiest of all slurries.
February 3 National February Second Day
Remembering the second day in February.
February 4 National Day of the HOA
Celebrating the ruthless enforcement of pointless grass-length regulation.
February 5 National Knotted Shoelace Day
Celebrating the knotted shoelace that won't come undone.
February 6 National Sticky Waffle Memorial Day
Honoring the sticky waffles tucked into diner booth cushions.
February 7 National Love the Government Day
The government is your friend. It loves you, and you should love it.
February 8 National Cat Toes Day
Celebrating the cute, tiny toes of cats.
February 9 National Forgotten Remembrance Day
Remembering all the remembrances that have been forgotten.
February 10 National Find a Rock in the Road Day
Find a rock in the road. Leave it there, but at least you found it.
February 11 National Stinky Belgian Day
Celebrating Jacques, a stinky, garlic-eating Belgian.
February 12 National Hunt for Pink October Day
Commemorating the ongoing hunt for Pink October.
February 13 National Celebration of Doubt
I doubt this day is very important.
February 14 National Denzel Valentine Day
Celebrating the career and accomplishments of Denzel Valentine.
February 15 National Leisure Suit Memorial Day
Mourning the untimely death of the leisure suit.
February 16 National Clean Your Phone Day
Immerse your phone into a vat of antibacterial foam immediately.
February 17 National Vinegar Enema Day
Consider the vinegar enema. Just consider it. Please don't do it.
February 18 National Video Conversion Day
Celebrating the conversion of video from one format to another.
February 19 National Deep-Fry the Pillows Day
It is extremely important that you deep-fry your pillows today.
February 20 National Micro-SD Card Day
Celebrating the micro-SD cards piling up in the bottom of your purse.
February 21 National Silent-But-Deadly Day
Celebrating anything that is silent-but-deadly, including farts and submarines.
February 22 National Motor Oil Day
Celebrating motor oil, a useful lubricant, which is not delicious.
February 23 National Don't Die Day
Please don't die today. Do it tomorrow.
February 24 National Enigmatic Snorkel Day
Celebrating enigmatic snorkels and mysterious goggles.
February 25 National Mark Everything 'Like' Day
Click 'like' on every post on social media, no matter what it is.
February 26 National Power Outlet Day
Celebrating power outlets, a useful electrical component.
February 27 National Burn a Bath Towel Day
Choose bath towel, place it in a fire pit, and burn it. This brings joy.
February 28 National Mealworm Day
Celebrating the mealworm, a delicious, squirmy snack.
February 29 National Annual Celebration Day
The quadrennial celebration of annual celebrations.


March 1 National Wear a Tutu on Your Head Day
It is extremely important that you wear a tutu on your head today.
March 2 National Wood Awareness Day
Raising awareness of wood, a useful plant-based construction material.
March 3 National Right-Front Wheel Day
Honoring the right-front wheel, the most important wheel.
March 4 National Microsoft Word Day
Honoring Microsoft Word, the word processing software to the stars.
March 5 National Drive a Car Day
Drive a car today! We're all counting on you!
March 6 National Angry Voicemail Day
Leave an angry voicemail for at least seventeen people today.
March 7 National Meat Salad Day
If you must eat salad, at least put some meat on it!
March 8 National Snooze Button Day
Celebrating the snooze button, without which we would die.
March 9 National Doorway to the Roof Day
Celebrating the doorway to the roof, the least appreciated doorway.
March 10 National Day of the Tortellini
Honoring the tortellini, which is different than the tortelloni.
March 11 National Astoria Day
Yell and scream "Astoria" at people for no obvious reason. – Thanks Kristen Bradford
March 12 National WD-40 vs. Duct Tape Day
Celebrating the home-repair battle between attaching and loosening.
March 13 National Trundle the Bundle Day
Trundle all of your bundles. Do this immediately.
March 14 National Booyah Day
Celebrating the timeless booyah, useful 1990s catch-phrase. – Thanks Stuart Scott
March 15 National Day of the Melon Baller
Celebrating the melon baller, the most useful of all the ballers.
March 16 National Air Duct Day
Celebrating air duct systems, vibration isolators, and tuning vanes.
March 17 National Fluffy Prawn Day
Celebrating the fluffy prawn that has been sitting out too long.
March 18 National Dripping Faucet Day
Celebrating dripping faucets, beloved benefactor of water utility services.
March 19 National Paddle Your Car Day
Paddle your car down the river. Don't tell the insurance company.
March 20 National Speed-Bump Jump Day
Find the closest speed-bump and hit it as fast as you can.
March 21 National Find the Holy Grail Day
Go find the holy grail. It shouldn't be difficult.
March 22 National Antibutter Day
Celebrating antibutter, the antimatter equivalent of butter.
March 23 National Extreme Jogging Day
Celebrating extreme jogging, king of the unpopular sports.
March 24 National Thorax Admiration Day
Take some time today to admiring the beauty of the thorax.
March 25 National Rotting Kung-Pow Day
Celebrating the kung-pow chicken rotting in the back of the fridge.
March 26 National Imaginary Insect Day
Celebrating imaginary insects, which might be superior to the real ones.
March 27 National Penguin Platter Day
Celebrating the delicious penguin platter, most elite of the platters.
March 28 National Touch the Mirror Day
Look into the mirror. Reach out. Touch it, longingly.
March 29 National Scream About It Day
Scream about it as loudly as you can.
March 30 National Crooked Tie Day
Wear a tie crooked, but if anybody says your tie is crooked, insist that it isn't.
March 31 National Goats Day
Goats! Goats! Goats!


April 1 National Eat an Apple Day
Eat an iPhone, MacBook, Newton, ImageWriter, Performa, or QuickTake.
April 2 National Suspicious Hat Day
Wear your most suspicious hat and do some suspicious things.
April 3 National Boingy Boingy Boingy Day
Boingy boingy boingy, bounce bounce bounce!
April 4 National Wear Your Bowl Day
Wear a bowl on your head like a hat. It's really important that you do this.
April 5 National Left-Front Wheel Day
Honoring the left-front wheel, the most important wheel.
April 6 National Injection Molding Day
Celebrating injection molding, the unsung hero of economical production.
April 7 Day of the Unending Conference Call
Start a conference call immediately. Do not let anybody leave.
April 8 National Bundle of Wires Day
Celebrating the bundle of wires behind every television.
April 9 National Room-Temperature Chowder Day
Celebrating immortal, immaculate room-temperature chowder.
April 10 National Bradford Pear Day
Celebrating the pungent, fruitless pyrus calleryana tree. – Thanks Ken Bradford
April 11 National Mop Day
Celebrating the mop, which is kind of like a wet broom.
April 12 National Pickle Your Peppers Day
It is time to pickle your peppers and press your potatoes.
April 13 National Nitrile Englovement Day
Celebrating the honor of nitrile englovement, most annoying englovement.
April 14 National Mysterious Doorway Day
Celebrating the mysterious doorway. Where does it go?
April 15 National Angry Wasp Day
Celebrating the angry wasp, bane of the gardener.
April 16 National Photoshop Your Ear Day
Use Photoshop to place your ear on a recent presidential portrait.
April 17 National Blue Lights Day
Celebrating blue lights on police cars, call boxes, and K-Marts.
April 18 National Diet of Worms Day
Celebrating a diet of delicious, nutritious, aromatic worms.
April 19 National Lost Keys Day
Your keys have got to be around here somewhere…right?
April 20 National Canada Goose Day
Celebrating branta canadensis, Earth's most unpleasant animal.
April 21 National Cluttered Desk Day
Celebrating the cluttered desk, a sure sign of brilliance and ingenuity.
April 22 National Planets Other Than Earth Day
Earth is fine on its own. We must protect all the other planets.
April 23 National Stale Code Day
Celebrating the stale code rotting away in your repositories.
April 24 National Cat Litter Scooper Day
Celebrating the litter scooper, un-sung hero of the litter box.
April 25 National Exploratory Frisbee Day
Launch an exploratory frisbee into the woods and see what it finds.
April 26 Day of the Commercial-Grade Carpet
Honoring and commemorating durable, commercial-grade carpets.
April 27 National Bad Apple Day
Celebrating the bad apple, second cousin to the big apple.
April 28 National Stubbed Toe Day
Stub your toe! It's a fun way to spend the day!
April 29 National Day of the Persistent Bug
Celebrating the persistent bug that burrows through code like a groundhog.
April 30 National Wear Your Boot On Your Head Day
Your pony will be delivered to the address on-record. – Thanks Scott Reagan and Vermin Supreme


May 1 National Move It A Pixel Left Day
Move it a pixel to the left. No, right. No, back left. Wait, no, right.
May 2 National Button on Your Bread Day
Celebrating the butter on your bread. It's the best butter ever.
May 3 National Cowboy Underwear Day
Celebrating cowboy underwear. It's probably good underwear.
May 4 National 'Star Search' Day
Remembering 'Star Search,' a syndicated competition television show.
May 5 National English Muffins Aren't Muffins Day
English muffins are great, but they are not muffins.
May 6 National Reciprocating Saw Day
Celebrating the reciprocating saw, king of the saws.
May 7 National Day of the Backslash
Use a backslash everywhere you would otherwise use a normal slash.
May 8 National Mobile Phone Charger Day
Celebrating the mobile phone charger, the most essential of all chargers.
May 9 National Surgical Retractor Day
Celebrating the surgical retractor, king of retractors.
May 10 National Slurp the Soup Day
They say it's rude, but they're wrong. Slurp the soup. Enjoy yourself.
May 11 National Sun Go Down On Me Day
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free. – Thanks Elton John and Bernie Taupin
May 12 National Skink Day
Celebrating the word "skink." It's a very funny word.
May 13 National Gasoline Day
Gasoline is great. Don't let anybody tell you it isn't.
May 14 National Uncontrolled Day
Today is uncontrolled, and it's not likely to become controlled later.
May 15 National Day of the Day
Celebrating the twenty-four hour day, which is superior to other days.
May 16 National Mold Awareness Day
Raising awareness of mold, the world's greatest fungus.
May 17 National Lemur Tail Day
Celebrating lemur tails…but not lemurs. Lemurs are annoying.
May 18 National Orbit the Planet Day
Orbit the planet today. Do it twice if you can.
May 19 National Left-Rear Wheel Day
Honoring the left-rear wheel, the most important wheel.
May 20 National Deny the Vampire Bat Day
Deny the existence of the vampire bat. They aren't real. You know it.
May 21 National Waldo Memorial Day
In memory of Waldo. He will never be found again.
May 22 National Rotting Canoe Day
Celebrating the pile of canoes rotting down by the river.
May 23 National Split Infinitive Day
You must go forth and boldly split infinitives today.
May 24 National Real Dragons Day
Celebrating dragons. The real ones, not the imaginary ones.
May 25 National F7 Day
Celebrating F7, most beloved and essential of the function keys.
May 26 National Visit Your Uncle Day
Visit your uncle today. Unless you have more than one of them.
May 27 National Other Nations Day
Celebrating all the nations other than our own.
May 28 National Hitch Day
Get hitched today. Why not?
May 29 National Trim the Branches Day
You need to trim your branches to a length of 1.25 meters.
May 30 National Post Your Elbow on Instagram Day
Post your elbow on Instagram before somebody else does.
May 31 National Covfefe Day
Despite the constant negative press covfefe – Thanks President Donald Trump


June 1 National Giggly Tween Day
Celebrating giggly tweens and the parents who put up with them.
June 2 National Space Potato Day
Celebrating NASA's invincible space potato.
June 3 National Don't Be a Toady Day
Come on. Don't be a toady. Nobody like toadies.
June 4 National Eat Food Day
You really ought to eat food today...unless you don't want to.
June 5 National Rub the Bunion Day
Rub the bunion! Rub the bunion! Rub the bunion!
June 6 National Rotating Platter Day
Celebrating the rotating platter, king of the platters.
June 7 National Roof Rack Crossbar Day
Celebrating roof rack crossbars, useful automotive accessories.
June 8 National Soul of the Shoe Day
Celebrating the immortal soul of the shoe.
June 9 National Watch for Falling Rock Day
Commemorating the ongoing search for Chief Falling Rock.
June 10 National Dinosaur Remembrance Day
Remember dinosaurs. Never forget.
June 11 National Cheese Grater Awareness Day
Raising awareness of the cheese grater, most useful of graters.
June 12 National Pillory a Pillow Day
Pillory a pillow in public please. It really deserves it.
June 13 National Pencil Day
Celebrating pencils, useful writing instrument.
June 14 Day of the Thousand-Year-Old Egg
Celebrating a carefully-preserved thousand-year-old egg – Thanks Melissa Bradford
June 15 The Annual June Equinox
Today is the June Equinox, which isn't a real thing.
June 16 National Spider-Man Reboot Day
Celebrating thousands of unnecessary Spider-Man film reboots.
June 17 National Awareness Awareness Day
Raising awareness of the virtue of awareness.
June 18 National Burn a Donut Day
Light a donut on fire. Let it burn.
June 19 National Asterisk Appreciation Day
Celebrating the asterisk, most star-like of the punctuation marks.
June 20 National Nationals Day
Celebrating all of the nation's nationals.
June 21 National Printed Website Day
Print out your favorite website today. Mail it to your friends!
June 22 National Spice Boys Day
Forget the Spice Girls; celebrate the Spice Boys.
June 23 National Get Off My Lawn Day
Chase those unruly trespassers off your property right away. – Thanks Marshall Bowling
June 24 National Semaphore Awareness Day
Raising awareness of semaphore, a visual signaling method.
June 25 National Concrete Remembrance Day
Remembering concrete. Rest in peace, old friend.
June 26 National Poop Smear Day
Celebrating the iconic poop smear left by your scooting pet.
June 27 National Cow in the Thunderstorm Day
Pray for the safety of the cow in the thunderstorm today.
June 28 National Trample the Flowers Day
Trample some flowers. You know you want to.
June 29 National Right-Rear Wheel Day
Honoring the right-rear wheel, the most important wheel.
June 30 National Day of the Flying Frog
Tell everybody that you'll do it when frogs fly!


July 1 National Indeterminate Smell Day
Celebrating the indeterminate smell.
July 2 National Pilates Pirates Day
Celebrating the ancient legend of the Pilates Pirates.
July 3 National Stained Jeans Day
You stained your jeans. You might have to buy new ones.
July 4 National Tax Dependents Day
Celebrating all dependents claimed on U.S. tax filings.
July 5 National Money Order Day
Use money orders to send a dollar to each of your best friends.
July 6 Day of the Unexpected Surgery
You didn't expect a surgery, but you got one anyway!
July 7 National Scroll-Lock Remembrance Day
Remembering scroll-lock, the second least appreciated key.
July 8 National Mosquito Awareness Day
Make yourself aware of mosquitos, since they are aware of you!
July 9 National Right Big Toenail Day
Celebrating the right big toenail, king of the toenails.
July 10 National Eat Your Aspic Day
Bread, cream, white sauce, and aspic keep the body ticking over just nicely! – Thanks Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
July 11 National Pretentious Frenchman Day
Celebrating the pretentious Frenchman. Yes, Louis. You.
July 12 National Celebration of the Platypus
Everybody loves the platypus for some reason.
July 13 National Go to Wake Day
Why go to sleep when you can go to wake?
July 14 National Telegraph Day
Celebrating the tattered remnants of the telegraph system.
July 15 National Rusty Jeep Day
Honoring the project Jeeps that should have been left alone. – Thanks Scott Johnson
July 16 National Day of the Picosecond
Celebrating the picosecond, an underutilized measure of time.
July 17 National Watch the Watch Day
Spend today watching your watch. If you don't have one, buy one!
July 18 National Emu Awareness Day
Raising awareness of emus, also known as superchickens.
July 19 National Write About Your Nostrils Day
Write an in-depth analysis of your nostrils and post it on LiveJournal.
July 20 National Visit the Swamp Day
You do not visit swamps often enough. Go visit one today.
July 21 National Come Out of the Pantry Day
Don't come out of the closet, but do come out of the pantry.
July 22 National Fax Your Cats Day
Put cats on the fax machine and send them to your friends!
July 23 National Eat an Onion Like an Apple Day
Take a nice bite out of a big, ripe onion.
July 24 National Spork Day
Celebrating the spork, America's most important utensil.
July 25 National Concrete Footprints Day
Celebrating the footprints that people left in the concrete.
July 26 National Day of the Sniffed Finger
Get that finger out of your ear. You don't know where that finger's been. – Thanks Airplane!
July 27 National Brain Fart Day
Wait… What day is it again?
July 28 National Day of the Floppy Disk
Celebrating the 3.5 inch floppy disk, which was not actually floppy.
July 29 National Incorrect Hyphenation Day
Celebrating the incorr-ect hyphe-nation of w-ords.
July 30 National Not-My-Circus Day
Say it with me now: Not my circus. Not my monkeys. – Thanks Melissa Bradford and Poland
July 31 National Lost Potato Day
I have lost my potato. Where did I put that potato?


August 1 National Smells Like Marinara Day
Today smells like marinara sauce for some reason.
August 2 National Fake Wood Day
Celebrating the world's fake, plastic wood.
August 3 National Duck, Duck, Goose Day
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose.
August 4 National Cherry Blossom Day
Remember cherry blossoms? Those were nice.
August 5 National Invade Canada Day
Their friendliness is a facade. Stop them before it's too late.
August 6 National Crooked House Number Day
Celebrating the crooked house number. It is just too hard to fix.
August 7 National Bad Jokes About Hospitals Day
Make a bunch of bad jokes about hospitals today.
August 8 National Bird Diarrhea Day
Bird diarrhea is pretty gross, especially when it happens on your car.
August 9 National Internet Awareness Day
Raising awareness of the Internet and the World Wide Web.
August 10 National Gouged Frying Pan Day
Remembering the gouged frying pan, bane of the cook.
August 11 National Painful Sneeze Day
Celebrating the painful sneeze, the most unfortunate kind of sneeze.
August 12 National No Flowers on Cakes Day
Flowers aren't food. Don't put them on cakes.
August 13 National Flowers on Cakes Day
Flowers are pretty. Put them on cakes.
August 14 National Remember the Budget Day
Remember the budget!
August 15 National Birth of the Birthday Day
Celebrating the birthday, born this day in eighth-century Albania.
August 16 National Pimple Remembrance Day
Remember that horrible pimple you had? So do I.
August 17 National Day of the Inverted Color Palette
Invert all of your color palettes today.
August 18 National Butt-Wipe Day
Wipe your butt. Don't forget. – Thanks Melissa Bradford
August 19 National Shave the Frog Day
Shave the nearest frog. Do it now.
August 20 National Day of the Hot Pepper
Celebrating hot peppers, purveyors of capsaicinoids.
August 21 National Banana Bandana Day
Celebrating the banana bandana, king of the bandanas.
August 22 National Dish Soap Day
Celebrating dish soap, useful soap for dishes.
August 23 National Virginia Earthquake Remembrance Day
Remembering the mildly inconvenient 2011 Virginia earthquake.
August 24 National Pop a Yoga Ball Day
Pop one of those stupid yoga balls right now.
August 25 National Trim Your Ear Hair Day
Trim your ear hair today. It needs it.
August 26 National Rename the Months Day
Rename all of the months to words that end with "snerf."
August 27 National Wafting Fart Day
Celebrating the incredible journey of the wafting fart.
August 28 National Papal Toothbrush Day
Celebrating the Holy Father's favorite toothbrush.
August 29 National There Are No Aliens Day
There are no aliens. Earth is safe.
August 30 National Hide in the Bushes Day
Hide in the bushes. Now is the time.
August 31 National Brake Light Awareness Day
Raising awareness of brake lights, useful automotive indicators.


September 1 National Studebaker Remembrance Day
Remember Studebaker? No? Me either.
September 2 National Try the Sausage Day
Try the sausage today. You'll like it.
September 3 National Stand in a Flower Pot Day
Go to the Japanese Garden and stand in a flower pot. – Thanks Police Squad!
September 4 National Poop on the Stairs Day
Poop on the stairs today. You've probably never done it before.
September 5 National Jaywalking Awareness Day
Raising awareness of the walk of the chattering jay.
September 6 National Rose By Any Other Name Day
A rose by any other name would still taste pretty bad.
September 7 National Hazard-Light Test Day
Test the proper function of your hazard lights today.
September 8 National Obnoxious Flashing Light Day
Celebrating the obnoxious flashing light in the window.
September 9 National Tall Stack of Ice Cubes Day
Celebrating the tall stack of ice cubes.
September 10 National Yugo Remembrance Day
Remembering the Yugo, also known as the Zastava Koral.
September 11 National Neutron Awareness Day
Raising awareness of the neutron, useful subatomic particle.
September 12 National Pluck an Eyebrow Day
Pluck a single eyebrow today. Just one. No more, no less.
September 13 National Surprise Donkey Day
Surprise! Donkey!
September 14 National No Pineapple on Pizza Day
Pineapple does not belong on pizza. Stop it.
September 15 National Pineapple on Pizza Day
Pineapple belongs on pizza. Deal with it.
September 16 National Colorized Photo Day
Celebrating the poor colorization of black and white photos.
September 17 National Oxygen Day
Celebrating oxygen, a useful atomic element
September 18 National Shank a Magical Pony Day
Find a magical pony, say "hello," then shank it.
September 19 National Speak Normally Day
Speak normally today. Fake accents are silly.
September 20 National Day of the Ruptured Spleen
Your spleen ruptured. You should probably get that checked out.
September 21 National There Is No Moon Day
NASA faked the moon landing because there is no moon. Truth.
September 22 National Don't Eat Cupcakes Day
Cupcakes are a waste. Eat real cakes instead.
September 23 National Inverted Face Day
Invert your face. It's easy and fun!
September 24 National Day of the Torque Wrench
Celebrating the torque wrench, king of the wrenches.
September 25 National Tweet the President Day
Send a friendly Tweet to the President of the United States.
September 26 National Pinky Ring Day
Celebrating the pinky ring, unappreciated member of the ring family.
September 27 National Misplaced Bucket Day
You misplaced your bucket. It's over there.
September 28 National Day of the Daily Exercise Regimen
Remembering the untimely death of the daily exercise regimen.
September 29 National Legal Disclaimer Day
Celebrating the legal disclaimers down at the bottom.
September 30 National Tweeze It With a Tweezer Day
Tweeze it with a tweezer today. Everybody loves tweezers.


October 1 National January Day
Honoring and celebrating the month of January.
October 2 National Scrollbar Day
Celebrating the scrollbar, useful widget for scrolling.
October 3 National Milk Froth Day
Celebrating the timeless beauty of milk froth.
October 4 National Day of the Forgotten Suitcase
Remembering the suitcase that you forgot.
October 5 National Spiral Pasta Crushing Day
Crush your spiral pasta before it has the chance to crush you.
October 6 National Deny Everything Day
Deny everything. Hurry.
October 7 National Not Microwave-Safe Day
Today is not microwave safe. Do not microwave it.
October 8 National Azimuthal Equidistant Day
Celebrating the azimuthal equidistant map projection.
October 9 National Biohazard Day
Today is a biohazard. Stay at least 50 meters away from it.
October 10 Diez de Octubre
Celebrating the tenth of October, a day which did not occur in Spain in 1582.
October 11 National Charred Marshmallow Day
Honoring the charred marshmallow you left in the fire too long.
October 12 National Ladle of October Day
Remember, remember, the ladle of October.
October 13 National Ejaculatory Phrase Day
Celebrating the ejaculatory phrase, which should be used in earnest today.
October 14 National Light the Noodle on Fire Day
Light the noodle on fire. Now. This is urgent.
October 15 National Don't Play With Arsenic Day
Don't play with arsenic. Just don't.
October 16 National Blow Up Your Pants Day
Go blow up your pants. – Thanks Tiffany Case
October 17 National Brunch Liberation Day
Celebrating the liberation of brunch. Be free, brunch.
October 18 National Running Out of Toner Day
You are running out of toner today.
October 19 Wesley Green's Birthday
Celebrating the birth of Wesley Green, national hero.
October 20 National Electric Fan Day
Celebrating the electric fan, mover of air.
October 21 National Subcutaneous Splinter Day
Celebrating the splinters you got on a 1980s playground.
October 22 National Desiccated Weasel Day
Nothing warms the heart quite like a desiccated weasel.
October 23 National Unsprung Weight Awareness Day
Raising awareness of the scourge of unsprung weight.
October 24 National Day of the Mid-Summer
Celebrating the sun and heat of the mid-summer.
October 25 National Floor Awareness Day
Raising awareness of floors, useful interior surfaces.
October 26 National Adapter Day
Celebrating electrical and mechanical adapters of all types.
October 27 National Spray Cheese Day
Cheese in a can is the best kind of cheese.
October 28 Happy Birthday Day
Wish everybody a happy birthday today. Everybody.
October 29 National Drop the Fork Day
Drop your fork onto the restaurant floor. They'll bring you a new one.
October 30 National Bonnet Day
Wear a bonnet. This is very important.
October 31 National Don't Wear Costumes Day
There is no reason to wear a costume today.


November 1 National Parade on My Rain Day
It's so annoying when somebody parades on my rain.
November 2 National Lane Marker Day
Celebrating the lane markers that adorn the world's highways.
November 3 National Eat-Your-Fats Day
Make sure you keep your fat intake up. It's good for you.
November 4 National Pay-By-Check Day
Rekindle the joy of paying for products and services by check.
November 5 National License Plate Day
Celebrating and honoring the license plate.
November 6 National Burnt Counter Day
Celebrating the burn marks on the world's kitchen counters.
November 7 National Four-Way Stop Day
Celebrating four-way stops, which are apparently hard to understand.
November 8 National Find Yourself Somewhere Else Day
Go find yourself…but please, do it somewhere else.
November 9 National Five-Legged Spider Day
Paying our respects to spiders who have lost three of their legs.
November 10 National Scheming Pyramid Day
Remembering the scheming pyramids that originated the pyramid scheme.
November 11 National Find a Nail in the Road Day
Go find a nail in the road. Remove it if you want to.
November 12 National Dingle Bells Day
Dingle bells, dingle bells, dingle all the way.
November 13 National Go to the Attic Day
Go to the attic. You probably haven't been there in a while.
November 14 National Q-Tip Memorial Day
Remembering Q-tips, also known as cotton swabs, cotton buds, and baby gays.
November 15 National Pug Fart Day
Celebrating the aromatic scent of the pug fart. – Thanks Melissa Bradford
November 16 National Day of the USB Floppy Drive
Celebrating the USB floppy drive, king of transitional technologies.
November 17 National Face on the Sun Day
Celebrating the face on the sun, cousin to the man in the moon.
November 18 National Cow on the Golf Course Day
Celebrating the most amusing of golf hazards.
November 19 National Shorten a Standing Desk Day
Find the nearest 'standing desk' and shorten it to the proper height.
November 20 National Annual Review Celebration Day
Celebrating the annual review, everybody's favorite work activity.
November 21 National Oily Residue Day
Celebrating both natural and artificial oily residues.
November 22 National Derpy Derp Derp Day
Derpy derp derp, derp derp derp hooray.
November 23 National Day of the Forgotten Cat
You forgot your cat. That's bad.
November 24 National Stuck in Your Teeth Day
Celebrating all the food, bacteria, and lawn ornaments stuck in your teeth.
November 25 National Pepper-Spray Condiment Day
Use pepper-spray as a condiment, but don't blame me for what happens next.
November 26 National Desert Island Day
Celebrating all the world's uncharted desert isles.
November 27 National Use a Stapler Day
It is time to dust off your trusty old stapler. Staple everything.
November 28 National Anniversary of the Anniversary Day
Celebrating the birth of the anniversary in fourteenth-century Mongolia.
November 29 National Buzzing Fluorescent Day
Celebrating buzzing fluorescent lights and their magical migraines.
November 30 National Ball on the Roof Day
Celebrating all the balls stuck on the nation's roofs.


December 1 National Uninspired Poem Day
Celebrating the world's most uninspired poems.
December 2 National Day of the Pontiac Aztek
Celebrating the world's greatest car, the Pontiac Aztek.
December 3 National Dropped Phone Day
You dropped your phone. Oops, you dropped it again.
December 4 National Stick It to the Ceiling Day
Dip it in glue and stick it to the ceiling!
December 5 National Rubber Pizza Day
Celebrating the rubber pizzas you ate in the school cafeteria.
December 6 National Good Enough Day
Today is not great, but it's good enough.
December 7 National Cowpiguck Day
Celebrating the duck stuffed in a pig stuffed in a cow.
December 8 National Compressed Garbage Day
Celebrating the compression of garbage into cubes.
December 9 National Ask Stupid Questions Day
Ask a lot of stupid questions today. Why not?
December 10 National Give Stupid Answers Day
Give a lot of stupid answers to questions today. Why not?
December 11 National Big Bowl of Teeth Day
Everybody should have a big bowl of teeth. It's not creepy at all.
December 12 National Hair in the Drain Day
Celebrating the balls of hair stuck in the shower drains.
December 13 National Special Characters Day
Celebrating special characters like @, $, %, ^, and &.
December 14 National Contraflow Lane Reversal Day
Celebrating the rarely-used contraflow lane reversal.
December 15 National Airplane Rudder Day
Honoring airplane rudders, useful device for yawing.
December 16 National Drive to Hawaii Day
It is the best possible day to drive cross-country to Hawaii.
December 17 National Day of the National Day
Today we celebrate the days that we celebrate.
December 18 National Software Update Day
Celebrating software updates, the highlight of your day.
December 19 National Periodontal Probe Day
Celebrating the periodontal probe, king of the dental probes.
December 20 National Stab the Tofu Day
Stab the tofu. Just do it.
December 21 National Play Tag With Boat Anchors Day
Play tag with boat anchors. It's tough, but fun!
December 22 National Squirming Day
Spend the day squirming. Nobody will notice.
December 23 National Seinfeld Remembrance Day
Remember Seinfeld? That was a funny show.
December 24 National Home Invasion Day
Celebrating Santa's unauthorized entry into billions of homes.
December 25 National Big Let-Down Day
Celebrating the big let-down after the huge build-up.
December 26 National Rounded Rectangle Day
Celebrating the rounded rectangle, prevalent shape.
December 27 National Hat-in-the-Cat Day
Celebrating the hats that were eaten by cats.
December 28 National Political Screaming Match Day
Celebrating the most effective debate method: Screaming.
December 29 National Abandon Your Car Day
Abandon your car now. It's not worth the risk.
December 30 National Wash Your Nose Day
Your nose is dirty. Wash it. Now.
December 31 Day of the Ingrown Toenail
Celebrating the ingrown toenail, the most unfortunate of toenails.
Every day is a stupid holiday now. – 2.0.4
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