|January 1||Old Year's Day|
Lamenting the untimely end of the year gone by.
|January 2||National Misused Semicolon Day|
Remembering; and celebrating; the misuse of the semicolon.
|January 3||National Curdled Milk Day|
Celebrating curdled milk.
|January 4||National Throw a Spoon Day|
Throw a spoon across the yard. It'll make you feel better.
|January 5||National Poopsicle Day|
Celebrating the frozen dog poop in the yard.
|January 6||National Broken Cork Day|
Celebrating the broken cork that fell into your bottle of wine.
|January 7||National Horse-Faced Dog Day|
Celebrating dogs with horse faces.
|January 8||National Poke a Tree Day|
Find the nearest tree and poke it.
|January 9||National Left Big Toenail Day|
Celebrating the left big toenail, king of the toenails.
|January 10||National Office Supplies Day|
Celebrating office supplies, the greatest invention of modern man.
|January 11||National Day of the Cat Butt|
Celebrating the humble cat butt.
|January 12||National French Fry Enshrinement Day|
Celebrating the enshrinement of the miraculous french fry.
|January 13||National Unplug the Microwave Day|
Unplug your microwave today…at least for a few minutes.
|January 14||National Wipe Your Car Day|
Today you should wipe your car with something other than sandpaper.
|January 15||National Chicken of the Sky Day|
Celebrating the chicken of the sky, brother of the chicken of the sea.
|January 16||National Viscous Coupling Day|
Celebrating the viscous coupling, engineering at its finest.
|January 17||National Eyes in the Front of Your Head Day|
Celebrating those with eyes in the front of their head.
|January 18||National Ball-Point Pen Mountain Day|
Celebrating the discovery of a mountain of ball-point pens.
|January 19||National Climb the Wall Day|
Climb the wall and rest your head on the ceiling.
|January 20||National Don't Order Pizza Day|
Do not order pizza today.
|January 21||National Perforation Day|
Celebrating perforated paper.
|January 22||National Illuminated Stapler Day|
Celebrating the illuminated stapler.
|January 23||National Day of the Irritable Bowel|
Celebrating all irritable bowels, and those especially irritated today.
|January 24||National Wear a Cravat Day|
Today, you should wear a stylish cravat.
|January 25||National Squeeze the Celery Day|
Squeeze the celery.
|January 26||National Deflated Rabbit Day|
Celebrating the internationally renowned deflated rabbit.
|January 27||National Plastic Tarp Day|
Celebrating plastic tarps and other mediocre waterproofing methods.
|January 28||National Rubber Mallet Day|
Celebrating the brave sacrifice of the rubber mallets.
|January 29||National Spay the Hamster Day|
Spay your hamster today.
|January 30||National Day of the Frozen Soda|
Celebrating the soda you left in the freezer.
|January 31||National Num-Lock Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of num-lock, unappreciated keyboard key.
|February 1||National Day of the Leash Law|
Celebrating the nation's leash laws.
|February 2||National Cheesecake Slurry Day|
Celebrating cheesecake slurry, the tastiest of all slurries.
|February 3||National February Second Day|
Remembering the second day in February.
|February 4||National Day of the HOA|
Celebrating the ruthless enforcement of grass length.
|February 5||National Knotted Shoelace Day|
Celebrating the knotted shoelace that won't come undone.
|February 6||National Sticky Waffle Memorial Day|
Honoring the sacrifice of the sticky waffle.
|February 7||National Inflatable Lamb Chop Day|
Celebrating inflatable lamb chops.
|February 8||National Cat Toes Day|
Celebrating the cute, tiny toes of cats.
|February 9||National Forgotten Remembrance Day|
Remembering all the remembrances that have been forgotten.
|February 10||National Speak Normally Day|
Speak normally today. No fake accents or gimmicks.
|February 11||National Stinky Belgian Day|
Celebrating stinky, garlic-eating Belgians.
|February 12||National Hunt for Pink October Day|
Celebrating the ongoing hunt for Pink October.
|February 13||National Celebration of Doubt|
I doubt this is important.
|February 14||National Denzel Valentine Day|
Celebrating the career and accomplishments of Danzel Valentine.
|February 15||National Leisure Suit Memorial Day|
Mourning the untimely death of the leisure suit.
|February 16||National Extraction of the Cheese Stick Day|
Immediately extract the cheese stick.
|February 17||National Vinegar Enema Day|
Consider the vinegar enema. Just consider it.
|February 18||National Video Conversion Day|
Celebrating the conversion of video from one format to another.
|February 19||National Deep-Fry the Pillows Day|
Deep-fry your pillows today.
|February 20||National Splattering Day|
Celebrating splatter patterns.
|February 21||National Silent-But-Deadly Day|
Celebrating the silent-but-deadly fart.
|February 22||National Motor Oil Day|
Celebrating motor oil, which is useful, but not delicious.
|February 23||National Don't Die Day|
Don't die today.
|February 24||National Unwheeled Bicycle Day|
Celebrating bicycles without wheels.
|February 25||National Mark Everything 'Like' Day|
Mark everything 'like' on Facebook. Everything.
|February 26||National Power Outlet Day|
Celebrating the power outlet, grounded or ungrounded.
|February 27||National Burn a Bath Towel Day|
Burn one of your bath towels today.
|February 28||National Day of the Emergent Worm|
Celebrating the inspirational, emergent worm.
|February 29||National Annual Celebration Day|
The quadrennial celebration of annual celebrations.
|March 1||National Bell-Bottom Socks Day|
Celebrating bell-bottom socks, inexplicable and undefined.
|March 2||National Wood Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of wood, a useful plant-based material.
|March 3||National Right-Front Wheel Day|
Honoring the right-front wheel, the most important wheel.
|March 4||National Eat an Apple Computer Day|
Eat an Apple computer today.
|March 5||National Day of the Chocolate Bathrobe|
Celebrating the world's chocolate bathrobes.
|March 6||National Angry Voicemail Day|
Leave somebody an angry voicemail today.
|March 7||National Oven Dial Day|
Celebrating the dials on the oven.
|March 8||National Undulating Lizard Day|
Celebrating the world-famous undulating lizard.
|March 9||National Doorway to the Roof Day|
Celebrating the doorway to the roof.
|March 10||National Buttered Baster Day|
Celebrating the great buttered baster.
|March 11||National Astoria Day|
Yell and scream "Astoria" at people.
|March 12||National Motorized Mailbox Day|
Celebrating the humble motorized mailbox.
|March 13||National Trundle the Bundle Day|
Immediately trundle all of your bundles.
|March 14||National Booyah Day|
Celebrating the timeless booyah.
|March 15||National Day of the Melon Baller|
Celebrating the melon baller, most useful of the ballers.
|March 16||National Air Duct Day|
Celebrating air duct systems, vibration isolators, and tuning vanes.
|March 17||National Fluffy Prawn Day|
Celebrating the fluffy prawn that has been sitting out too long.
|March 18||National Dripping Faucet Day|
Celebrating dripping faucets, beloved benefactor of the water utilities.
|March 19||National Car Paddle Day|
Paddle your car down the river.
|March 20||National Speed-Bump Jump Day|
Go as fast as you can over every speed bump you find.
|March 21||National Find the Holy Grail Day|
Go find the holy grail. It shouldn't be difficult.
|March 22||Day of the Living Emu|
Remembering the holy resurrection of the emu.
|March 23||National Extreme Jogging Day|
Celebrating extreme jogging, king of the sports.
|March 24||National Thorax Admiration Day|
Admiring the immense beauty of the thorax.
|March 25||National Uneaten Kung-Pow Day|
Celebrating uneaten kung-pow chicken.
|March 26||National Imaginary Insect Day|
Celebrating imaginary insects, superior to real ones.
|March 27||National Penguin Platter Day|
Celebrating the delicious penguin platter.
|March 28||National Touch the Mirror Day|
Touch the mirror, longingly.
|March 29||National Hexagon Pie Day|
Celebrating and honoring all hexagonal pies.
|March 30||National Crooked Tie Day|
Wear your ties crooked. If anybody says anything, insist that it isn't.
|March 31||National Mountain of Goats Day|
Celebrating the infamous mountain of goats, located in Uzbekistan.
|April 1||National Microsoft Word Day|
Honoring Microsoft Word, the word processing software to the stars.
|April 2||National Suspicious Hat Day|
Celebrating the suspicious hat.
|April 3||National Morkey Moose Day|
Celebrating Morkey Moose, off-brand Mickey Mouse.
|April 4||National Wear Your Bowl Day|
Wear a bowl. It's really important that you do this.
|April 5||National Left-Front Wheel Day|
Honoring the left-front wheel, the most important wheel.
|April 6||National Injection Molding Day|
Celebrating the process of injection molding.
|April 7||Day of the Unending Conference Call|
Hold an unending conference call today.
|April 8||National Frayed Wire Day|
Celebrating the frayed wire and its heroic sacrifice.
|April 9||National Room-Temperature Chowder Day|
Celebrating the immortal room-temperature chowder.
|April 10||National Bradford Pear Day|
Celebrating the pungent, fruitless pyrus calleryana tree.
|April 11||National Mop Day|
Celebrating the mop in all its lovely variations.
|April 12||National Beef Pickle Day|
Celebrating the beef pickle.
|April 13||National Nitrile Englovement Day|
Celebrating the honor of nitrile englovement.
|April 14||National Misplaced Door Day|
Celebrating the misplaced door.
|April 15||National Angry Wasp Day|
Celebrating the angry wasp, bane of the gardener.
|April 16||National Photoshop of the Ear Day|
Celebrating all Photoshop edits to the humble ear.
|April 17||National Blue Light Day|
Celebrating blue lights.
|April 18||National Cat Litter Scooper Day|
Celebrating the un-sung hero of the litter box.
|April 19||National Lost Keys Day|
Celebrating the loss of your keys. They must be around here somewhere.
|April 20||National Goose Fart Day|
Celebrating the aromatic scent of the goose fart.
|April 21||National Cluttered Desk Day|
Celebrating the cluttered desk, sign of brilliance and ingenuity.
|April 22||National Planets Other Than Earth Day|
Protecting the environment of all planets other than Earth.
|April 23||National Stale Code Day|
Celebrating the stale code in your repository.
|April 24||National Diet of Tasty Worms Day|
Celebrating a delicious diet of tasty worms.
|April 25||National Exploratory Frisbee Day|
Celebrating the brave, exploratory frisbee.
|April 26||Day of the Commercial-Grade Carpet|
Honoring the sacrifice of commercial-grade carpets.
|April 27||National Bad Apple Day|
Celebrating the bad apple, second cousin to the big apple.
|April 28||National Stubbed Toe Day|
Stub your toe today. It's fun!
|April 29||National Day of the Living Bug|
Celebrating the living bug, which burrows through your software like a groundhog.
|April 30||National Wear Your Boot On Your Head Day|
Your pony will be delivered to the address on-record.
|May 1||National Move It A Pixel Left Day|
Move it a pixel to the left.
|May 2||National Sickle Probe Remembrance Day|
Celebrating the humble dental sickle probe, also known as the dental explorer.
|May 3||National Cowboy Underwear Day|
Celebrating cowboy underwear, which, you know, is probably good underwear.
|May 4||National 'Star Search' Day|
Remembering 'Star Search,' the syndicated competition television show.
|May 5||Day of the Eternal Muffin|
Celebrating the eternal muffin of Paris, Virginia.
|May 6||National Reciprocating Saw Day|
Celebrating the reciprocating saw, king of the saws.
|May 7||National Day of the Backslash|
Use a backslash every time you would usually use a normal slash.
|May 8||National Mobile Phone Charger Day|
Celebrating the humble sacrifice of the mobile phone charger.
|May 9||National Surgical Retractor Day|
Celebrating the surgical retractor, king of the retractors.
|May 10||National Slurp the Soup Day|
Slurp the soup!
|May 11||National Day of the Setting Sun|
Today, the sun will set.
|May 12||National Abusive Skink Day|
Abusive skinks are everywhere. Feed them to snakes.
|May 13||National Lemonade Gasoline Day|
Celebrating any gasoline that might be, somehow, made of lemonade.
|May 14||National Uncontrolled Day|
Today is uncontrolled.
|May 15||National Day of the Day|
Celebrating the twenty-four hour day, which is superior to other days.
|May 16||National Mold Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of mold, the world's greatest fungus.
|May 17||National Tail of the Lemur Day|
Celebrating the amazing tail of the lemur.
|May 18||National Orbit the Planet Day|
Orbit the planet day. Twice if you can.
|May 19||National Left-Rear Wheel Day|
Honoring the left-rear wheel, the most important wheel.
|May 20||National Vampire Bat Denial Day|
Affirming vampires by denying the vampire bat.
|May 21||National Waldo Memorial Day|
In memory of Waldo.
|May 22||National Rotting Canoe Day|
Celebrating canoes rotting down by the river.
|May 23||National Split Infinitive Day|
You should boldy split infinitives today.
|May 24||National Actual Dragons Day|
Celebrating actual dragons, but not imaginary ones.
|May 25||National F7 Day|
Celebrating F7, most beloved function key.
|May 26||National Visit Your Uncle Day|
Visit your uncle today. Unless you have more than one of them.
|May 27||National Other Nations Day|
Celebrating the nations other than our own.
|May 28||National Paper Towel Mountain Day|
Celebrating mountains made of paper towels.
|May 29||National Trim the Branches Day|
Trim the branches!
|May 30||National Post Your Elbow on Instagram Day|
Courageously post your elbow on Instagram today.
|May 31||National Micro-SD Card Day|
Celebrating the micro-SD cards piling up in the bottom of your purse.
|June 1||National Giggly Tween Day|
Celebrating the world's giggly tweens, and those who somehow survive them.
|June 2||National Space Potato Day|
Celebrating the humble space potato.
|June 3||National Desert Full of Toads Day|
Celebrating the desert full of toads.
|June 4||National Eat Food Day|
Eat food today, unless you don't want to.
|June 5||National Rub the Bunion Day|
Rub the bunion!
|June 6||National Rotating Platter Day|
Celebrating the rotating platter, king of the platters.
|June 7||National Roof Rack Crossbar Day|
Celebrating useful roof rack crossbars.
|June 8||National Soul of the Shoe Day|
Celebrating the soul of the shoe.
|June 9||National Watch for Falling Rock Day|
Honoring the continuing search for Chief Falling Rock.
|June 10||National Nude Pterodactyl Day|
Celebrating the nude pterodactyl.
|June 11||National Cheese Grater Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the cheese grater, most useful of graters.
|June 12||National Pillory a Pillow Day|
Pillory a pillow today. It deserves it.
|June 13||National Purple Pencil Day|
Celebrating the purple pencil.
|June 14||Day of the Thousand-Year-Old Egg|
Celebrating a thousand-year-old egg living in a cave in China.
|June 15||National June Equinox Day|
Today is the June Equinox, which isn't a real thing.
|June 16||National Unnecessary Film Reboot Day|
Celebrating the unnecessary film reboot.
|June 17||National Awareness Awareness Day|
Raising awarness of the virtue of awareness.
|June 18||National Burn a Donut Day|
Light a donut on fire. Let it burn.
|June 19||National Asterisk Appreciation Day|
Celebrating the asterisk, most star-like of the punctuation marks.
|June 20||National Nationals Day|
Celebrating the nation's nationals.
|June 21||National Printed Website Day|
Print out your favorite website today.
|June 22||National Circle of Spice Day|
Celebrating the unending circle of spice.
|June 23||National Get Off My Lawn Day|
Chase trespassers from your property, with or without firearms.
|June 24||National Semaphore Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the semaphore that surrounds us.
|June 25||National Concrete Remembrance Day|
Remembering concrete, lost on this day in 1919.
|June 26||National Poop Smear Day|
Celebrating the iconic poop smear.
|June 27||National Thunder-Cow Day|
Celebrating the heroic Thunder-Cow.
|June 28||National Trample the Flowers Day|
Trample some flowers. You know you want to.
|June 29||National Right-Rear Wheel Day|
Honoring the right-rear wheel, the most important wheel.
|June 30||National Day of the Flying Frog|
Tell everybody that that you'll do it when frogs fly!
|July 1||National Indeterminate Smell Day|
Celebrating the indeterminate smell.
|July 2||National Pilates Pirates Day|
Celebrating the legend of the Pilates Pirates.
|July 3||National Grassy Ass Day|
Celebrating the grassy ass, especially those featuring dirt streaks.
|July 4||National Tax Dependents Day|
Celebrating all claimed dependents on U.S. tax filings.
|July 5||National Money Order Day|
Celebrating the underutilized money order.
|July 6||Day of the Stapled Abdomen|
Celebrating all stapled abdomens.
|July 7||National Scroll-Lock Remembrance Day|
Remembering scroll-lock, the second least appreciated key.
|July 8||National Mosquito Awareness Day|
Make yourself aware of the mosquito today.
|July 9||National Right Big Toenail Day|
Celebrating the right big toenail, king of the toenails.
|July 10||National Eat Your Aspic Day|
Eat your aspic! It's delicious!
|July 11||National Pretentious Frenchman Day|
Celebrating the pretentious Frenchman. Yes, Louis. You.
|July 12||National Listen to Corn Day|
Listen to the corn in your heart.
|July 13||National Go to Wake Day|
Why go to sleep when you can go to wake?
|July 14||National Telegraph Day|
Celebrating the tattered remnants of the telegraph system.
|July 15||National Rusty Jeep Day|
Honoring the project Jeeps that should have been left alone.
|July 16||National Day of the Picosecond|
Celebrating the underutilized picosecond.
|July 17||National Watch the Watch Day|
Spend today watching your watch.
|July 18||National Emu Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the humble emu in northern Idaho.
|July 19||National Nostril Blog Day|
Blog about your nostrils today.
|July 20||National Visit the Swamp Day|
Visit a swamp. Just do it.
|July 21||National Come Out of the Pantry Day|
Be yourself today; come out of the pantry.
|July 22||National Fax Your Cats Day|
Put cats on the fax machine and send them to your friends!
|July 23||National Sugar on Your Onion Day|
Put some sugar on your onions today.
|July 24||National Spoon Conversion Day|
Convert your spoons to forks.
|July 25||National Unset Concrete Day|
Celebrating the world's unset concrete.
|July 26||National Day of the Sniffed Finger|
Get that finger out of your ear. You don't know where that finger's been.
|July 27||National Brain Fart Day|
What day is it again?
|July 28||National Day of the Floppy Disk|
Celebrating the sacrifice of the late floppy disk.
|July 29||National Hyphenation Day|
Celebrating the hyphenation of words, nec-essary or not.
|July 30||National Not-My-Circus Day|
Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
|July 31||National Lost Potato Day|
Where did I put that potato?
|August 1||National Jackson-Pratt Drain Day|
Celebrating the Jackson-Pratt Drain, king of post-operative drains.
|August 2||National Fake Wood Day|
Celebrating the world's fake, plastic wood.
|August 3||National Upside-Down Duck Day|
Celebrating the upside-down ducks of America.
|August 4||National Spork Inferno Remembrance Day|
Remembering the disasterous Spork Inferno of 1947.
|August 5||National Day of the Forgotten Onion|
Remembering the onion that you forgot.
|August 6||National Crooked House Number Day|
Celebrating the crooked house number, which is just too hard to fix.
|August 7||National Bad Jokes About Hospitals Day|
Make bad jokes about hospitals today.
|August 8||National Bird Diarrhea Day|
Celebrating birds with diarrhea.
|August 9||National Internet Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the Internet, an unknown computer network.
|August 10||National Gouged Frying Pan Day|
Remembering the valiant, gouged frying pan.
|August 11||National Painful Sneeze Day|
Celebrating painful sneezes, the most unfortunate sneezes.
|August 12||National No Flowers on Cakes Day|
Flowers aren't food. Don't put them on cakes.
|August 13||National Flowers on Cakes Day|
Flowers are pretty. Put them on cakes.
|August 14||National Remember the Budget Day|
Remember the budget!
|August 15||National Birth of the Birthday Day|
Celebrating the humble birth of the birthday in eighth-century Albania.
|August 16||National Mass Air Flow (MAF) Sensor Day|
Celebrating the Mass Air Flow (MAF) sensor in your car.
|August 17||National Day of the Inverted Color Palette|
Invert all of your color palettes today.
|August 18||National Butt-Wipe Day|
Wipe your butt.
|August 19||National Shave the Frog Day|
Shave the nearest frog. Do it now.
|August 20||National Grass Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of grass.
|August 21||National Banana Bandana Day|
Celebrating the banana bandana.
|August 22||National Dish Soap Day|
Celebrating dish soap, useful soap for dishes.
|August 23||National Virginia Earthquake Remembrance Day|
Remembering the mildly inconvenient 2011 Virginia earthquake.
|August 24||National Pop a Yoga Ball Day|
Pop one of those stupid yoga balls. Ugh.
|August 25||National Trim Your Ear Hair Day|
Trim your ear hair today. It needs it.
|August 26||National Day of the Exploding Muffin|
Remembering the tragic loss of the exploding muffin.
|August 27||National Wafting Fart Day|
Celebrating the wafting fart and its incredible journey.
|August 28||National Papal Toothbrush Day|
Celebrating the pope's toothbrush.
|August 29||National There Are No Aliens Day|
Celebrating that there are no aliens and Earth is safe.
|August 30||National Hide in the Bushes Day|
Hide in the bushes. Now is the time.
|August 31||National Brake Light Awareness Day|
Be aware of the brake lights that surround us.
|September 1||National Block IIR-M Series GPS Satellite Day|
Celebrating the eight IIR-M series GPS satellites.
|September 2||National Try the Sausage Day|
Try the sausage today. It's worth it.
|September 3||National Stand in a Flower Pot Day|
Stand in a flower pot today. Be one with the garden.
|September 4||National Poop on the Stairs Day|
Poop on the stairs today. Why not?
|September 5||National Jaywalking Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the walk of the chattering jay.
|September 6||National Rose Implantation Day|
Permanently implant a rose plant.
|September 7||National Hazard-Light Test Day|
Test the proper function of your hazard lights today.
|September 8||National Obnoxious Flashing Light Day|
Celebrating the obnoxious flashing light in the window.
|September 9||National Tall Stack of Ice Cubes Day|
Celebrating the tall stack of ice cubes.
|September 10||National Yugo Remembrance Day|
Remembering the Yugo, also known as the Zastava Koral.
|September 11||National Neutron Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the neutron, useful subatomic particle.
|September 12||National Pluck an Eyebrow Day|
Pluck a single eyebrow today.
|September 13||National Surprise Donkey Day|
|September 14||National No Pineapple on Pizza Day|
Pineapple does not belong on pizza. Stop it.
|September 15||National Pineapple on Pizza Day|
Pineapple belongs on pizza. Deal with it.
|September 16||National Colorized Photo Day|
Celebrating the colorized photo, especially those poorly done.
|September 17||National Oxygen Day|
Celebrating oxygen, which is useful for breathing.
|September 18||National Shank a Magical Pony Day|
Shank a magical pony. Just do it.
|September 19||National Find a Rock in the Road Day|
Find a rock in the road. Leave it there, but at least you found it.
|September 20||National Day of the Ruptured Spleen|
Remembering the world's ruptured spleens.
|September 21||National Mailbox on the Moon Day|
Celebrating the mailbox on the moon, and those who deliver to it.
|September 22||National Don't Eat Cupcakes Day|
In memory of all the frosting lost, do not eat cupcakes today.
|September 23||National Inverted Face Day|
Invert your face. It's easy!
|September 24||National Day of the Torque Wrench|
Celebrating the torque wrench, king of the wrenches.
|September 25||National Tweet the President Day|
Send a meaningless Tweet to the President of the United States.
|September 26||National Pinky Ring Day|
Celebrating the pinky ring, and those pinkies still un-ringed.
|September 27||National Misplaced Bucket Day|
Celebrating the misplaced bucket.
|September 28||National Day of the Daily Exercise Regimen|
Remembering the untimely death of the daily exercise regimen.
|September 29||National Legal Disclaimer Day|
Celebrating the legal disclaimers at the bottom.
|September 30||National Tweezer Remembrance Day|
Remembering the humble tweezer.
|October 1||National January Day|
Honoring and celebrating the month of January.
|October 2||National Scrollbar Day|
Celebrating the scrollbar, useful for scrolling.
|October 3||National Milk Froth Day|
Celebrating the timeless beauty of milk froth.
|October 4||National Day of the Forgotten Suitcase|
Remembering the suitcase that you had forgotten.
|October 5||National Spiral Pasta Crushing Day|
Crush your spiral pasta before it has the chance to crush you.
|October 6||National Deny Everything Day|
Deny everything. Hurry.
|October 7||National Not Microwave-Safe Day|
Today is not microwave-safe. Don't microwave it.
|October 8||National Azimuthal Equidistant Projection Day|
Celebrating the azimuthal equidistant projection and its beautiful distortions.
|October 9||National Biohazard Day|
Today is a biohazard.
|October 10||Diez de Octubre|
Celebrating the tenth of October, a day which did not occur in Spain in 1582.
|October 11||National Charred Marshmallow Day|
Honoring the charred marshmallow that was left in the fire too long.
|October 12||National Ladle of October Day|
Remember, remember, the ladle of October.
|October 13||National Ejaculatory Phrase Day |
Celebrating the ejaculatory phrase, which should be used in earnest today.
|October 14||National Light the Noodle on Fire Day|
Light the noodle on fire. Now.
|October 15||National Don't Play With Arsenic Day|
Don't play with arsenic. Just don't.
|October 16||National Day of the Explosive Burrito|
Celebrating the explosive burrito.
|October 17||National Brunch Liberation Day|
Celebrating the liberation of brunch. Be free, brunch.
|October 18||National Running Out of Toner Day|
You are running out of toner today.
|October 19||Wesley Green's Birthday|
Celebrating the birth of Wesley Green, national hero.
|October 20||National Electric Fan Day|
Celebrating the electric fan.
|October 21||National Subcutaneous Splinter Day|
Celebrating subcutaneous splinters, especially wooden ones.
|October 22||National Turtle of the Sky Day|
Celebrating the world's rarest creature, the Turtle of the Sky.
|October 23||National Unsprung Weight Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the scourge of unsprung weight.
|October 24||National Day of the Mid-Summer|
Celebrating the sun and heat of the mid-summer.
|October 25||National Floor Awareness Day|
Raising awareness of the humble floor, carpeted and uncarpeted.
|October 26||National Dongle Day|
Celebrating the unsung dongle.
|October 27||National Imploding Gourd Day|
Celebrating the infamous imploding gourd.
|October 28||Happy Birthday Day|
Wish everybody a happy birthday today. Everybody.
|October 29||National Drop the Fork Day|
Drop your fork onto the restaurant floor. They'll bring you a new one.
|October 30||National Bonnet Day|
Wear a bonnet. This is very important.
|October 31||National Day of the Parting Sloth|
Celebrating the infamous parting sloth.
|November 1||National Parade on My Rain Day|
It's so annoying when somebody parades on my rain.
|November 2||National Lane Marker Day|
Celebrating the humble lane markers of the nation's highways.
|November 3||National Eat-Your-Fats Day|
Make sure you keep your fat intake up. It's good for you.
|November 4||National Pay-By-Check Day|
Rekindle the joy of paying for products and services by check.
|November 5||National License Plate Day|
Celebrating and honoring the license plate.
|November 6||National Burnt Counter Day|
Celebrating the many burn marks on the world's counters.
|November 7||National Four-Way Stop Day|
Celebrating the four-way stop, and those who fail to navigate them correctly.
|November 8||National Find Yourself Somewhere Else Day|
Go find yourself…but please, do it somewhere else.
|November 9||National Five-Legged Spider Day|
Paying respects to those spiders who lost three of their legs.
|November 10||National Scheming Pyramid Day|
Remembering the scheming pyramids that originated the pyramid scheme.
|November 11||National Find a Nail in the Road Day|
Go find a nail in the road. Remove it if you want to.
|November 12||National Dingle Bells Day|
Celebrating the world's dingle bells.
|November 13||National Go to the Attic Day|
Go to the attic. You probably haven't been there in a while.
|November 14||National Q-Tip Inversion Day|
Celebrating the infamous inversion of the Q-Tip.
|November 15||National Pug Fart Day|
Celebrating the aromatic scent of the pug fart.
|November 16||National Day of the USB Floppy Drive|
Celebrating the USB floppy drive, king of transitional technologies.
|November 17||National Face on the Sun Day|
Celebrating the face on the sun, the man in the moon's cousin.
|November 18||National Cow on the Golf Course Day|
Celebrating the humble cow on the golf course.
|November 19||National Shorten a Standing Desk Day|
Find the nearest 'standing desk' and shorten it to the proper height.
|November 20||National Annual Review Celebration Day|
Celebrating the annual review, everybody's favorite work activity.
|November 21||National Oily Residue Day|
Celebrating oily residues, natural and artificial.
|November 22||National Derpy Derp Derp Day|
Derpy derp derp hooray.
|November 23||National Day of the Forgotten Cat|
You forgot your cat.
|November 24||National Stuck in the Teeth Day|
Celebrating the food stuck in your teeth.
|November 25||National Pepper-Spray Condiment Day|
Use your pepper-spray as a condiment...but don't blame me.
|November 26||National Desert Island Day|
Celebrating all uncharted desert isles.
|November 27||National Slobbering Bird Day|
Celebrating the slobbering bird of Saint Louis.
|November 28||National Anniversary of the Anniversary Day|
Celebrating the humble birth of the anniversary in fourteenth-century Mongolia.
|November 29||National Buzzing Fluorescent Day|
Celebrating the buzzing fluorescent light and its magical headaches.
|November 30||National Ball on the Roof Day|
Celebrating the balls stuck on the nation's roofs.
|December 1||National Uninspired Poem Day|
Celebrating the world's most uninspired poems.
|December 2||National Day of the Pontiac Aztek|
Celebrating the world's greatest car, the Pontiac Aztek.
|December 3||National Dropped Phone Day|
You dropped your phone.
|December 4||National Bandaged Foot Day|
Celebrating the bandaged foot, and all its loving associates.
|December 5||National Rubber Pizza Day|
Celebrating the rubber pizzas served in school cafeterias everywhere.
|December 6||National Meh...Good Enough Day|
Today, everything should be considered…meh…good enough.
|December 7||National Cowpiguck Day|
Celebrating the duck stuffed in a pig stuffed in a cow.
|December 8||National Compressed Garbage Day|
Celebrating compression of garbage into little cubes.
|December 9||National Ask Stupid Questions Day|
Ask a lot of stupid questions today. Why not?
|December 10||National Give Stupid Answers Day|
Give a lot of stupid answers to questions today. Why not?
|December 11||National Broken Toothed Dog Day|
Celebrating the dog with broken teeth.
|December 12||National Hair in the Drain Day|
Celebrating the balls of hair that are stuck in shower drains.
|December 13||National Day of the ^|
Celebrating the caret character and all its useful incarnations.
|December 14||National Contraflow Lane Reversal Day |
Celebrating the rarely-used contraflow lane reversal.
|December 15||National Day of the Cylinder Misfire|
Celebrating the cylinder misfire, king of the misfires.
|December 16||National Drive to Hawaii Day|
It is the best possible day to drive cross-country to Hawaii.
|December 17||National Day of the National Day|
Today we celebrate the days that we celebrate.
|December 18||National Software Update Day|
Celebrating software updates.
|December 19||National Periodontal Probe Day|
Celebrating the periodontal probe, king of the dental probes.
|December 20||National Stab the Tofu Day|
Stab the tofu. Just do it.
|December 21||National Play Tag With Boat Anchors Day|
Play tag with boat anchors.
|December 22||National Squirming Day|
Celebrating the day of the maddening squirm.
|December 23||National Pot of Rabbits Day|
Celebrating a large pot of rabbits.
|December 24||National Home Invasion Day|
Celebrating Santa's unauthorized entry into billions of homes.
|December 25||National Big Let-Down Day|
Celebrating the big let-down after the grand build-up.
|December 26||National Rounded Rectangle Day|
Celebrating the rounded rectangle, prevalent shape.
|December 27||National Hat-in-the-Cat Day|
Celebrating all hats that were eaten by cats.
|December 28||National Political Screaming Match Day|
Celebrating the effective political screaming match.
|December 29||National Dog Vomit Encapsulation Day|
Celebrating the careful encapsulation of the world's dog vomit.
|December 30||National Twisty Turny Day|
It is a great day for twisty turnies.
|December 31||Day of the Ingrown Toenail|
Celebrating the ingrown toenail, unsung hero of the foot.