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January
January 1	Old Year's Day Lamenting the untimely end of the year gone by.
January 2	National Misused Semicolon Day Celebrating the abuse; and misuse; of the semicolon.
January 3	National Curdled Milk Day Celebrating curdled milk, the lumpiest of milks.
January 4	National Throw a Spoon Day Throw a spoon as hard as you can in a northwesterly direction.
January 5	National Poopsicle Day Celebrating the frozen dog poop in the yard.
January 6	National Broken Cork Day Celebrating the bits of broken cork floating in your wine bottle.
January 7	National Don't Day Don't. Just don't. Come on, you know better.
January 8	National Poke a Tree Day Find the nearest tree and give it a good, hard poke.
January 9	National Left Big Toenail Day Celebrating the left big toenail, king of the toenails.
January 10	National Office Supplies Day Celebrating office supplies, unsung hero of the office.
January 11	National Day of the Cat Butt Celebrating the cat butt that touched everything in the house.
January 12	National Pork Rind Earring Day Wear pork rinds like earrings today. The dog will love it.
January 13	National Unplug the Microwave Day Unplug your microwave and see if that changes things.
January 14	National Wipe Your Car Day Give your car a wipe-down today. Sandpaper not recommended.
January 15	National Chicken of the Sky Day Celebrating the rarely-seen chicken of the sky.
January 16	National Torque Converter Day Celebrating a key component in automatic transmissions.
January 17	National Eyes in the Front of Your Head Day You can't get away with it, I have eyes in the front of my head.
January 18	National Sing an Ode to Power Outlets Day It is very important that you sing an ode to your power outlets.
January 19	National Climb the Wall Day Climb the wall. Rest your head on the ceiling.
January 20	National Don't Order Pizza Day Do not order pizza today. Show "big pizza" who's boss.
January 21	National Perforated Paper Day Celebrating toilet paper, paper towels, and old-style printer paper.
January 22	National Chalkboard vs. Whiteboard Day Celebrating the ongoing battle between chalkboards and whiteboards.
January 23	National Day of the Irritable Bowel Celebrating irritable bowels, especially those really irritated right now.
January 24	National Wear a Cravat Day You should wear a stylish cravat today. Not an ascot. A cravat.
January 25	National Fruity Tomato Day Emphatically tell everybody that tomatoes are fruit.
January 26	National Chair Stacking Day Stack the chairs as high as possible, then climb to the top.
January 27	National Plastic Tarp Day Celebrating plastic tarps and other mediocre waterproofing methods.
January 28	National Rubber Mallet Day Celebrating rubber mallets, slightly less dangerous than sledge hammers.
January 29	National Spay the Hamster Day Make sure all your hamsters are spayed or neutered.
January 30	National Day of the Frozen Soda Celebrating the can of soda you left in the freezer.
January 31	National Num-Lock Awareness Day Raising awareness of num-lock, an underutilized key on the keyboard.
February
February 1	National Day of the Leash Law Leash your children as required by local ordinance.
February 2	National Cheesecake Slurry Day Celebrating cheesecake slurry, the tastiest of all slurries.
February 3	National February Second Day Remembering the second day in February.
February 4	National Day of the HOA Celebrating the ruthless enforcement of pointless grass-length regulation.
February 5	National Knotted Shoelace Day Celebrating the knotted shoelace that won't come undone.
February 6	National Sticky Waffle Memorial Day Honoring the sticky waffles tucked into diner booth cushions.
February 7	National Love the Government Day The government is your friend. It loves you, and you should love it.
February 8	National Cat Toes Day Celebrating the cute, tiny toes of cats.
February 9	National Forgotten Remembrance Day Remembering all the remembrances that have been forgotten.
February 10	National Find a Rock in the Road Day Find a rock in the road. Leave it there, but at least you found it.
February 11	National Stinky Belgian Day Celebrating Jacques, a stinky, garlic-eating Belgian.
February 12	National Hunt for Pink October Day Commemorating the ongoing hunt for Pink October.
February 13	National Celebration of Doubt I doubt this day is very important.
February 14	National Denzel Valentine Day Celebrating the career and accomplishments of Denzel Valentine.
February 15	National Leisure Suit Memorial Day Mourning the untimely death of the leisure suit.
February 16	National Clean Your Phone Day Immerse your phone into a vat of antibacterial foam immediately.
February 17	National Vinegar Enema Day Consider the vinegar enema. Just consider it. Please don't do it.
February 18	National Video Conversion Day Celebrating the conversion of video from one format to another.
February 19	National Deep-Fry the Pillows Day It is extremely important that you deep-fry your pillows today.
February 20	National Micro-SD Card Day Celebrating the micro-SD cards piling up in the bottom of your purse.
February 21	National Silent-But-Deadly Day Celebrating anything that is silent-but-deadly, including farts and submarines.
February 22	National Motor Oil Day Celebrating motor oil, a useful lubricant, which is not delicious.
February 23	National Don't Die Day Please don't die today. Do it tomorrow.
February 24	National Enigmatic Snorkel Day Celebrating enigmatic snorkels and mysterious goggles.
February 25	National Mark Everything 'Like' Day Click 'like' on every post on social media, no matter what it is.
February 26	National Power Outlet Day Celebrating power outlets, a useful electrical component.
February 27	National Burn a Bath Towel Day Choose bath towel, place it in a fire pit, and burn it. This brings joy.
February 28	National Mealworm Day Celebrating the mealworm, a delicious, squirmy snack.
February 29	National Annual Celebration Day The quadrennial celebration of annual celebrations.
March
March 1	National Wear a Tutu on Your Head Day It is extremely important that you wear a tutu on your head today.
March 2	National Wood Awareness Day Raising awareness of wood, a useful plant-based construction material.
March 3	National Right-Front Wheel Day Honoring the right-front wheel, the most important wheel.
March 4	National Microsoft Word Day Honoring Microsoft Word, the word processing software to the stars.
March 5	National Drive a Car Day Drive a car today! We're all counting on you!
March 6	National Angry Voicemail Day Leave an angry voicemail for at least seventeen people today.
March 7	National Meat Salad Day If you must eat salad, at least put some meat on it!
March 8	National Snooze Button Day Celebrating the snooze button, without which we would die.
March 9	National Doorway to the Roof Day Celebrating the doorway to the roof, the least appreciated doorway.
March 10	National Day of the Tortellini Honoring the tortellini, which is different than the tortelloni.
March 11	National Astoria Day Yell and scream "Astoria" at people for no obvious reason. – Thanks Kristen Bradford
March 12	National WD-40 vs. Duct Tape Day Celebrating the home-repair battle between attaching and loosening.
March 13	National Trundle the Bundle Day Trundle all of your bundles. Do this immediately.
March 14	National Booyah Day Celebrating the timeless booyah, useful 1990s catch-phrase. – Thanks Stuart Scott
March 15	National Day of the Melon Baller Celebrating the melon baller, the most useful of all the ballers.
March 16	National Air Duct Day Celebrating air duct systems, vibration isolators, and tuning vanes.
March 17	National Fluffy Prawn Day Celebrating the fluffy prawn that has been sitting out too long.
March 18	National Dripping Faucet Day Celebrating dripping faucets, beloved benefactor of water utility services.
March 19	National Paddle Your Car Day Paddle your car down the river. Don't tell the insurance company.
March 20	National Speed-Bump Jump Day Find the closest speed-bump and hit it as fast as you can.
March 21	National Find the Holy Grail Day Go find the holy grail. It shouldn't be difficult.
March 22	National Antibutter Day Celebrating antibutter, the antimatter equivalent of butter.
March 23	National Extreme Jogging Day Celebrating extreme jogging, king of the unpopular sports.
March 24	National Thorax Admiration Day Take some time today to admiring the beauty of the thorax.
March 25	National Rotting Kung-Pow Day Celebrating the kung-pow chicken rotting in the back of the fridge.
March 26	National Imaginary Insect Day Celebrating imaginary insects, which might be superior to the real ones.
March 27	National Penguin Platter Day Celebrating the delicious penguin platter, most elite of the platters.
March 28	National Touch the Mirror Day Look into the mirror. Reach out. Touch it, longingly.
March 29	National Scream About It Day Scream about it as loudly as you can.
March 30	National Crooked Tie Day Wear a tie crooked, but if anybody says your tie is crooked, insist that it isn't.
March 31	National Goats Day Goats! Goats! Goats!
April
April 1	National Eat an Apple Day Eat an iPhone, MacBook, Newton, ImageWriter, Performa, or QuickTake.
April 2	National Suspicious Hat Day Wear your most suspicious hat and do some suspicious things.
April 3	National Boingy Boingy Boingy Day Boingy boingy boingy, bounce bounce bounce!
April 4	National Wear Your Bowl Day Wear a bowl on your head like a hat. It's really important that you do this.
April 5	National Left-Front Wheel Day Honoring the left-front wheel, the most important wheel.
April 6	National Injection Molding Day Celebrating injection molding, the unsung hero of economical production.
April 7	Day of the Unending Conference Call Start a conference call immediately. Do not let anybody leave.
April 8	National Bundle of Wires Day Celebrating the bundle of wires behind every television.
April 9	National Room-Temperature Chowder Day Celebrating immortal, immaculate room-temperature chowder.
April 10	National Bradford Pear Day Celebrating the pungent, fruitless pyrus calleryana tree. – Thanks Ken Bradford
April 11	National Mop Day Celebrating the mop, which is kind of like a wet broom.
April 12	National Pickle Your Peppers Day It is time to pickle your peppers and press your potatoes.
April 13	National Nitrile Englovement Day Celebrating the honor of nitrile englovement, most annoying englovement.
April 14	National Mysterious Doorway Day Celebrating the mysterious doorway. Where does it go?
April 15	National Angry Wasp Day Celebrating the angry wasp, bane of the gardener.
April 16	National Photoshop Your Ear Day Use Photoshop to place your ear on a recent presidential portrait.
April 17	National Blue Lights Day Celebrating blue lights on police cars, call boxes, and K-Marts.
April 18	National Diet of Worms Day Celebrating a diet of delicious, nutritious, aromatic worms.
April 19	National Lost Keys Day Your keys have got to be around here somewhere…right?
April 20	National Canada Goose Day Celebrating branta canadensis, Earth's most unpleasant animal.
April 21	National Cluttered Desk Day Celebrating the cluttered desk, a sure sign of brilliance and ingenuity.
April 22	National Planets Other Than Earth Day Earth is fine on its own. We must protect all the other planets.
April 23	National Stale Code Day Celebrating the stale code rotting away in your repositories.
April 24	National Cat Litter Scooper Day Celebrating the litter scooper, un-sung hero of the litter box.
April 25	National Exploratory Frisbee Day Launch an exploratory frisbee into the woods and see what it finds.
April 26	Day of the Commercial-Grade Carpet Honoring and commemorating durable, commercial-grade carpets.
April 27	National Bad Apple Day Celebrating the bad apple, second cousin to the big apple.
April 28	National Stubbed Toe Day Stub your toe! It's a fun way to spend the day!
April 29	National Day of the Persistent Bug Celebrating the persistent bug that burrows through code like a groundhog.
April 30	National Wear Your Boot On Your Head Day Your pony will be delivered to the address on-record. – Thanks Scott Reagan and Vermin Supreme
May
May 1	National Move It A Pixel Left Day Move it a pixel to the left. No, right. No, back left. Wait, no, right.
May 2	National Butter on Your Bread Day Celebrating the butter on your bread. It's the best butter ever.
May 3	National Cowboy Underwear Day Celebrating cowboy underwear. It's probably good underwear.
May 4	National 'Star Search' Day Remembering 'Star Search,' a syndicated competition television show.
May 5	National English Muffins Aren't Muffins Day English muffins are great, but they are not muffins.
May 6	National Reciprocating Saw Day Celebrating the reciprocating saw, king of the saws.
May 7	National Day of the Backslash Use a backslash everywhere you would otherwise use a normal slash.
May 8	National Mobile Phone Charger Day Celebrating the mobile phone charger, the most essential of all chargers.
May 9	National Surgical Retractor Day Celebrating the surgical retractor, king of retractors.
May 10	National Slurp the Soup Day They say it's rude, but they're wrong. Slurp the soup. Enjoy yourself.
May 11	National Sun Go Down On Me Day I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free. – Thanks Elton John and Bernie Taupin
May 12	National Skink Day Celebrating the word "skink." It's a very funny word.
May 13	National Gasoline Day Gasoline is great. Don't let anybody tell you it isn't.
May 14	National Uncontrolled Day Today is uncontrolled, and it's not likely to become controlled later.
May 15	National Day of the Day Celebrating the twenty-four hour day, which is superior to other days.
May 16	National Mold Awareness Day Raising awareness of mold, the world's greatest fungus.
May 17	National Lemur Tail Day Celebrating lemur tails…but not lemurs. Lemurs are annoying.
May 18	National Orbit the Planet Day Orbit the planet today. Do it twice if you can.
May 19	National Left-Rear Wheel Day Honoring the left-rear wheel, the most important wheel.
May 20	National Deny the Vampire Bat Day Deny the existence of the vampire bat. They aren't real. You know it.
May 21	National Waldo Memorial Day In memory of Waldo. He will never be found again.
May 22	National Rotting Canoe Day Celebrating the pile of canoes rotting down by the river.
May 23	National Split Infinitive Day You must go forth and boldly split infinitives today.
May 24	National Real Dragons Day Celebrating dragons. The real ones, not the imaginary ones.
May 25	National F7 Day Celebrating F7, most beloved and essential of the function keys.
May 26	National Visit Your Uncle Day Visit your uncle today. Unless you have more than one of them.
May 27	National Other Nations Day Celebrating all the nations other than our own.
May 28	National Hitch Day Get hitched today. Why not?
May 29	National Trim the Branches Day You need to trim your branches to a length of 1.25 meters.
May 30	National Post Your Elbow on Instagram Day Post your elbow on Instagram before somebody else does.
May 31	National Covfefe Day Despite the constant negative press covfefe – Thanks President Donald Trump
June
June 1	National Giggly Tween Day Celebrating giggly tweens and the parents who put up with them.
June 2	National Space Potato Day Celebrating NASA's invincible space potato.
June 3	National Don't Be a Toady Day Come on. Don't be a toady. Nobody like toadies.
June 4	National Eat Food Day You really ought to eat food today...unless you don't want to.
June 5	National Rub the Bunion Day Rub the bunion! Rub the bunion! Rub the bunion!
June 6	National Rotating Platter Day Celebrating the rotating platter, king of the platters.
June 7	National Roof Rack Crossbar Day Celebrating roof rack crossbars, useful automotive accessories.
June 8	National Soul of the Shoe Day Celebrating the immortal soul of the shoe.
June 9	National Watch for Falling Rock Day Commemorating the ongoing search for Chief Falling Rock.
June 10	National Dinosaur Remembrance Day Remember dinosaurs. Never forget.
June 11	National Cheese Grater Awareness Day Raising awareness of the cheese grater, most useful of graters.
June 12	National Pillory a Pillow Day Pillory a pillow in public please. It really deserves it.
June 13	National Pencil Day Celebrating pencils, useful writing instrument.
June 14	Day of the Thousand-Year-Old Egg Celebrating a carefully-preserved thousand-year-old egg – Thanks Melissa Bradford
June 15	The Annual June Equinox Today is the June Equinox, which isn't a real thing.
June 16	National Spider-Man Reboot Day Celebrating thousands of unnecessary Spider-Man film reboots.
June 17	National Awareness Awareness Day Raising awareness of the virtue of awareness.
June 18	National Burn a Donut Day Light a donut on fire. Let it burn.
June 19	National Asterisk Appreciation Day Celebrating the asterisk, most star-like of the punctuation marks.
June 20	National Nationals Day Celebrating all of the nation's nationals.
June 21	National Printed Website Day Print out your favorite website today. Mail it to your friends!
June 22	National Spice Boys Day Forget the Spice Girls; celebrate the Spice Boys.
June 23	National Get Off My Lawn Day Chase those unruly trespassers off your property right away. – Thanks Marshall Bowling
June 24	National Semaphore Awareness Day Raising awareness of semaphore, a visual signaling method.
June 25	National Concrete Remembrance Day Remembering concrete. Rest in peace, old friend.
June 26	National Poop Smear Day Celebrating the iconic poop smear left by your scooting pet.
June 27	National Cow in the Thunderstorm Day Pray for the safety of the cow in the thunderstorm today.
June 28	National Trample the Flowers Day Trample some flowers. You know you want to.
June 29	National Right-Rear Wheel Day Honoring the right-rear wheel, the most important wheel.
June 30	National Day of the Flying Frog Tell everybody that you'll do it when frogs fly!
July
July 1	National Indeterminate Smell Day Celebrating the indeterminate smell.
July 2	National Pilates Pirates Day Celebrating the ancient legend of the Pilates Pirates.
July 3	National Stained Jeans Day You stained your jeans. You might have to buy new ones.
July 4	National Tax Dependents Day Celebrating all dependents claimed on U.S. tax filings.
July 5	National Money Order Day Use money orders to send a dollar to each of your best friends.
July 6	Day of the Unexpected Surgery You didn't expect a surgery, but you got one anyway!
July 7	National Scroll-Lock Remembrance Day Remembering scroll-lock, the second least appreciated key.
July 8	National Mosquito Awareness Day Make yourself aware of mosquitos, since they are aware of you!
July 9	National Right Big Toenail Day Celebrating the right big toenail, king of the toenails.
July 10	National Eat Your Aspic Day Bread, cream, white sauce, and aspic keep the body ticking over just nicely! – Thanks Don't Hug Me I'm Scared
July 11	National Pretentious Frenchman Day Celebrating the pretentious Frenchman. Yes, Louis. You.
July 12	National Celebration of the Platypus Everybody loves the platypus for some reason.
July 13	National Go to Wake Day Why go to sleep when you can go to wake?
July 14	National Telegraph Day Celebrating the tattered remnants of the telegraph system.
July 15	National Rusty Jeep Day Honoring the project Jeeps that should have been left alone. – Thanks Scott Johnson
July 16	National Day of the Picosecond Celebrating the picosecond, an underutilized measure of time.
July 17	National Watch the Watch Day Spend today watching your watch. If you don't have one, buy one!
July 18	National Emu Awareness Day Raising awareness of emus, also known as superchickens.
July 19	National Write About Your Nostrils Day Write an in-depth analysis of your nostrils and post it on LiveJournal.
July 20	National Visit the Swamp Day You do not visit swamps often enough. Go visit one today.
July 21	National Come Out of the Pantry Day Don't come out of the closet, but do come out of the pantry.
July 22	National Fax Your Cats Day Put cats on the fax machine and send them to your friends!
July 23	National Eat an Onion Like an Apple Day Take a nice bite out of a big, ripe onion.
July 24	National Spork Day Celebrating the spork, America's most important utensil.
July 25	National Concrete Footprints Day Celebrating the footprints that people left in the concrete.
July 26	National Day of the Sniffed Finger Get that finger out of your ear. You don't know where that finger's been. – Thanks Airplane!
July 27	National Brain Fart Day Wait… What day is it again?
July 28	National Day of the Floppy Disk Celebrating the 3.5 inch floppy disk, which was not actually floppy.
July 29	National Incorrect Hyphenation Day Celebrating the incorr-ect hyphe-nation of w-ords.
July 30	National Not-My-Circus Day Say it with me now: Not my circus. Not my monkeys. – Thanks Melissa Bradford and Poland
July 31	National Lost Potato Day I have lost my potato. Where did I put that potato?
August
August 1	National Smells Like Marinara Day Today smells like marinara sauce for some reason.
August 2	National Fake Wood Day Celebrating the world's fake, plastic wood.
August 3	National Duck, Duck, Goose Day Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose.
August 4	National Cherry Blossom Day Remember cherry blossoms? Those were nice.
August 5	National Invade Canada Day Their friendliness is a facade. Stop them before it's too late.
August 6	National Crooked House Number Day Celebrating the crooked house number. It is just too hard to fix.
August 7	National Bad Jokes About Hospitals Day Make a bunch of bad jokes about hospitals today.
August 8	National Bird Diarrhea Day Bird diarrhea is pretty gross, especially when it happens on your car.
August 9	National Internet Awareness Day Raising awareness of the Internet and the World Wide Web.
August 10	National Gouged Frying Pan Day Remembering the gouged frying pan, bane of the cook.
August 11	National Painful Sneeze Day Celebrating the painful sneeze, the most unfortunate kind of sneeze.
August 12	National No Flowers on Cakes Day Flowers aren't food. Don't put them on cakes.
August 13	National Flowers on Cakes Day Flowers are pretty. Put them on cakes.
August 14	National Remember the Budget Day Remember the budget!
August 15	National Birth of the Birthday Day Celebrating the birthday, born this day in eighth-century Albania.
August 16	National Pimple Remembrance Day Remember that horrible pimple you had? So do I.
August 17	National Day of the Inverted Color Palette Invert all of your color palettes today.
August 18	National Butt-Wipe Day Wipe your butt. Don't forget. – Thanks Melissa Bradford
August 19	National Shave the Frog Day Shave the nearest frog. Do it now.
August 20	National Day of the Hot Pepper Celebrating hot peppers, purveyors of capsaicinoids.
August 21	National Banana Bandana Day Celebrating the banana bandana, king of the bandanas.
August 22	National Dish Soap Day Celebrating dish soap, useful soap for dishes.
August 23	National Virginia Earthquake Remembrance Day Remembering the mildly inconvenient 2011 Virginia earthquake.
August 24	National Pop a Yoga Ball Day Pop one of those stupid yoga balls right now.
August 25	National Trim Your Ear Hair Day Trim your ear hair today. It needs it.
August 26	National Rename the Months Day Rename all of the months to words that end with "snerf."
August 27	National Wafting Fart Day Celebrating the incredible journey of the wafting fart.
August 28	National Papal Toothbrush Day Celebrating the Holy Father's favorite toothbrush.
August 29	National There Are No Aliens Day There are no aliens. Earth is safe.
August 30	National Hide in the Bushes Day Hide in the bushes. Now is the time.
August 31	National Brake Light Awareness Day Raising awareness of brake lights, useful automotive indicators.
September
September 1	National Studebaker Remembrance Day Remember Studebaker? No? Me either.
September 2	National Try the Sausage Day Try the sausage today. You'll like it.
September 3	National Stand in a Flower Pot Day Go to the Japanese Garden and stand in a flower pot. – Thanks Police Squad!
September 4	National Poop on the Stairs Day Poop on the stairs today. You've probably never done it before.
September 5	National Jaywalking Awareness Day Raising awareness of the walk of the chattering jay.
September 6	National Rose By Any Other Name Day A rose by any other name would still taste pretty bad.
September 7	National Hazard-Light Test Day Test the proper function of your hazard lights today.
September 8	National Obnoxious Flashing Light Day Celebrating the obnoxious flashing light in the window.
September 9	National Tall Stack of Ice Cubes Day Celebrating the tall stack of ice cubes.
September 10	National Yugo Remembrance Day Remembering the Yugo, also known as the Zastava Koral.
September 11	National Neutron Awareness Day Raising awareness of the neutron, useful subatomic particle.
September 12	National Pluck an Eyebrow Day Pluck a single eyebrow today. Just one. No more, no less.
September 13	National Surprise Donkey Day Surprise! Donkey!
September 14	National No Pineapple on Pizza Day Pineapple does not belong on pizza. Stop it.
September 15	National Pineapple on Pizza Day Pineapple belongs on pizza. Deal with it.
September 16	National Colorized Photo Day Celebrating the poor colorization of black and white photos.
September 17	National Oxygen Day Celebrating oxygen, a useful atomic element
September 18	National Shank a Magical Pony Day Find a magical pony, say "hello," then shank it.
September 19	National Speak Normally Day Speak normally today. Fake accents are silly.
September 20	National Day of the Ruptured Spleen Your spleen ruptured. You should probably get that checked out.
September 21	National There Is No Moon Day NASA faked the moon landing because there is no moon. Truth.
September 22	National Don't Eat Cupcakes Day Cupcakes are a waste. Eat real cakes instead.
September 23	National Inverted Face Day Invert your face. It's easy and fun!
September 24	National Day of the Torque Wrench Celebrating the torque wrench, king of the wrenches.
September 25	National Tweet the President Day Send a friendly Tweet to the President of the United States.
September 26	National Pinky Ring Day Celebrating the pinky ring, unappreciated member of the ring family.
September 27	National Misplaced Bucket Day You misplaced your bucket. It's over there.
September 28	National Day of the Daily Exercise Regimen Remembering the untimely death of the daily exercise regimen.
September 29	National Legal Disclaimer Day Celebrating the legal disclaimers down at the bottom.
September 30	National Tweeze It With a Tweezer Day Tweeze it with a tweezer today. Everybody loves tweezers.
October
October 1	National January Day Honoring and celebrating the month of January.
October 2	National Scrollbar Day Celebrating the scrollbar, useful widget for scrolling.
October 3	National Milk Froth Day Celebrating the timeless beauty of milk froth.
October 4	National Day of the Forgotten Suitcase Remembering the suitcase that you forgot.
October 5	National Spiral Pasta Crushing Day Crush your spiral pasta before it has the chance to crush you.
October 6	National Deny Everything Day Deny everything. Hurry.
October 7	National Not Microwave-Safe Day Today is not microwave safe. Do not microwave it.
October 8	National Azimuthal Equidistant Day Celebrating the azimuthal equidistant map projection.
October 9	National Biohazard Day Today is a biohazard. Stay at least 50 meters away from it.
October 10	Diez de Octubre Celebrating the tenth of October, a day which did not occur in Spain in 1582.
October 11	National Charred Marshmallow Day Honoring the charred marshmallow you left in the fire too long.
October 12	National Ladle of October Day Remember, remember, the ladle of October.
October 13	National Ejaculatory Phrase Day Celebrating the ejaculatory phrase, which should be used in earnest today.
October 14	National Light the Noodle on Fire Day Light the noodle on fire. Now. This is urgent.
October 15	National Don't Play With Arsenic Day Don't play with arsenic. Just don't.
October 16	National Blow Up Your Pants Day Go blow up your pants. – Thanks Tiffany Case
October 17	National Brunch Liberation Day Celebrating the liberation of brunch. Be free, brunch.
October 18	National Running Out of Toner Day You are running out of toner today.
October 19	Wesley Green's Birthday Celebrating the birth of Wesley Green, national hero.
October 20	National Electric Fan Day Celebrating the electric fan, mover of air.
October 21	National Subcutaneous Splinter Day Celebrating the splinters you got on a 1980s playground.
October 22	National Desiccated Weasel Day Nothing warms the heart quite like a desiccated weasel.
October 23	National Unsprung Weight Awareness Day Raising awareness of the scourge of unsprung weight.
October 24	National Day of the Mid-Summer Celebrating the sun and heat of the mid-summer.
October 25	National Floor Awareness Day Raising awareness of floors, useful interior surfaces.
October 26	National Adapter Day Celebrating electrical and mechanical adapters of all types.
October 27	National Spray Cheese Day Cheese in a can is the best kind of cheese.
October 28	Happy Birthday Day Wish everybody a happy birthday today. Everybody.
October 29	National Drop the Fork Day Drop your fork onto the restaurant floor. They'll bring you a new one.
October 30	National Bonnet Day Wear a bonnet. This is very important.
October 31	National Don't Wear Costumes Day There is no reason to wear a costume today.
November
November 1	National Parade on My Rain Day It's so annoying when somebody parades on my rain.
November 2	National Lane Marker Day Celebrating the lane markers that adorn the world's highways.
November 3	National Eat-Your-Fats Day Make sure you keep your fat intake up. It's good for you.
November 4	National Pay-By-Check Day Rekindle the joy of paying for products and services by check.
November 5	National License Plate Day Celebrating and honoring the license plate.
November 6	National Burnt Counter Day Celebrating the burn marks on the world's kitchen counters.
November 7	National Four-Way Stop Day Celebrating four-way stops, which are apparently hard to understand.
November 8	National Find Yourself Somewhere Else Day Go find yourself…but please, do it somewhere else.
November 9	National Five-Legged Spider Day Paying our respects to spiders who have lost three of their legs.
November 10	National Scheming Pyramid Day Remembering the scheming pyramids that originated the pyramid scheme.
November 11	National Find a Nail in the Road Day Go find a nail in the road. Remove it if you want to.
November 12	National Dingle Bells Day Dingle bells, dingle bells, dingle all the way.
November 13	National Go to the Attic Day Go to the attic. You probably haven't been there in a while.
November 14	National Q-Tip Memorial Day Remembering Q-tips, also known as cotton swabs, cotton buds, and baby gays.
November 15	National Pug Fart Day Celebrating the aromatic scent of the pug fart. – Thanks Melissa Bradford
November 16	National Day of the USB Floppy Drive Celebrating the USB floppy drive, king of transitional technologies.
November 17	National Face on the Sun Day Celebrating the face on the sun, cousin to the man in the moon.
November 18	National Cow on the Golf Course Day Celebrating the most amusing of golf hazards.
November 19	National Shorten a Standing Desk Day Find the nearest 'standing desk' and shorten it to the proper height.
November 20	National Annual Review Celebration Day Celebrating the annual review, everybody's favorite work activity.
November 21	National Oily Residue Day Celebrating both natural and artificial oily residues.
November 22	National Derpy Derp Derp Day Derpy derp derp, derp derp derp hooray.
November 23	National Day of the Forgotten Cat You forgot your cat. That's bad.
November 24	National Stuck in Your Teeth Day Celebrating all the food, bacteria, and lawn ornaments stuck in your teeth.
November 25	National Pepper-Spray Condiment Day Use pepper-spray as a condiment, but don't blame me for what happens next.
November 26	National Desert Island Day Celebrating all the world's uncharted desert isles.
November 27	National Use a Stapler Day It is time to dust off your trusty old stapler. Staple everything.
November 28	National Anniversary of the Anniversary Day Celebrating the birth of the anniversary in fourteenth-century Mongolia.
November 29	National Buzzing Fluorescent Day Celebrating buzzing fluorescent lights and their magical migraines.
November 30	National Ball on the Roof Day Celebrating all the balls stuck on the nation's roofs.
December
December 1	National Uninspired Poem Day Celebrating the world's most uninspired poems.
December 2	National Day of the Pontiac Aztek Celebrating the world's greatest car, the Pontiac Aztek.
December 3	National Dropped Phone Day You dropped your phone. Oops, you dropped it again.
December 4	National Stick It to the Ceiling Day Dip it in glue and stick it to the ceiling!
December 5	National Rubber Pizza Day Celebrating the rubber pizzas you ate in the school cafeteria.
December 6	National Good Enough Day Today is not great, but it's good enough.
December 7	National Cowpiguck Day Celebrating the duck stuffed in a pig stuffed in a cow.
December 8	National Compressed Garbage Day Celebrating the compression of garbage into cubes.
December 9	National Ask Stupid Questions Day Ask a lot of stupid questions today. Why not?
December 10	National Give Stupid Answers Day Give a lot of stupid answers to questions today. Why not?
December 11	National Big Bowl of Teeth Day Everybody should have a big bowl of teeth. It's not creepy at all.
December 12	National Hair in the Drain Day Celebrating the balls of hair stuck in the shower drains.
December 13	National Special Characters Day Celebrating special characters like @, $, %, ^, and &.
December 14	National Contraflow Lane Reversal Day Celebrating the rarely-used contraflow lane reversal.
December 15	National Airplane Rudder Day Honoring airplane rudders, useful device for yawing.
December 16	National Drive to Hawaii Day It is the best possible day to drive cross-country to Hawaii.
December 17	National Day of the National Day Today we celebrate the days that we celebrate.
December 18	National Software Update Day Celebrating software updates, the highlight of your day.
December 19	National Periodontal Probe Day Celebrating the periodontal probe, king of the dental probes.
December 20	National Stab the Tofu Day Stab the tofu. Just do it.
December 21	National Play Tag With Boat Anchors Day Play tag with boat anchors. It's tough, but fun!
December 22	National Squirming Day Spend the day squirming. Nobody will notice.
December 23	National Seinfeld Remembrance Day Remember Seinfeld? That was a funny show.
December 24	National Home Invasion Day Celebrating Santa's unauthorized entry into billions of homes.
December 25	National Big Let-Down Day Celebrating the big let-down after the huge build-up.
December 26	National Rounded Rectangle Day Celebrating the rounded rectangle, prevalent shape.
December 27	National Hat-in-the-Cat Day Celebrating the hats that were eaten by cats.
December 28	National Political Screaming Match Day Celebrating the most effective debate method: Screaming.
December 29	National Abandon Your Car Day Abandon your car now. It's not worth the risk.
December 30	National Wash Your Nose Day Your nose is dirty. Wash it. Now.
December 31	Day of the Ingrown Toenail Celebrating the ingrown toenail, the most unfortunate of toenails.

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December